One of my favorite lullabys is "Baby Mine". It comes from one of the most precious Disney pictures, 'Dumbo' originally sung by Betty Noyes in the part of the film where baby Dumbo is rocked to sleep by his mother.

For those who know me well, you already know that I always dream of having a child of my own some day. Along with this child of mine, I also have made a personal commitment to myself that I will also adopt when the time is right for me to do so.

As you all know, my education is very important to me and I vow never to have a child until I graduate or at least until I am secure enough, for the sake of my child and I, both.

Everytime I hear a lullaby such as this one, I experience unexplainable moment of bliss and grace as a smile comes acrossed my face. I can almost see perfectly a beautiful child in my arms.

Every opportunity I get I will sing these lullabys to my baby nieces and nephews and as I do so, I am enlightened by their innocent and peaceful faces while they listen. These songs mean a lot to me not only because of them but my dreams as well.

Date:	2007-01-25 11:23
Subject:	My Fondest of Childhood Memories
Security:	Public
Mood:	thankful

I am very thankful to have grown up where I did though it was a wearisome and somewhat oppressive upcoming I cannot help but be thankful for what it has allowed me to do. It has allowed me to experience some of my most wonderful childhood memories.

I moved quite a bit growing up so most of my best memories usually were not in schools since I had been to many only for short periods at a time. My adventures as a child usual took place mostly outdoors. These moments were often solitary moments which had, in many ways, increased their values in my mind. Though the outdoors was my most favorite place to be, my bedroom was also a very special place to me. I would spend much time there, conjuring up stories and dreams in my head of wild animal friends and distant places; and ideas I kept mostly to myself of unanswered questions I had had. I didn’t read too much growing up, much less then I do now but I had a few favorite books as a child; mostly about animals. I loved Patricia Wrede’s “Dealing with Dragons” fantasy novel. I read several times, my imagination expanding with each time I had read it. It was about an unusual princess who was different from all of her other sisters in looks and in personality. Her sisters were all blonde beauties while she had long brunette hair. Her sisters were boring and ordinary when she was bold and daring, wanting to go of to distant lands and have adventures of her very own. She didn't want to be so "royal" following the protocols of princess-hood. And I remember reading “The Wizard of Oz” many times, and to this day I am still convinced that I had lost that book in the couch of one of the houses I had lived in. It was the last place I remember reading that book. I searched the cushions of that couch over and over again, so convinced that that was the last place I had left it. I never found it. While in my bedroom I spent much of my time organizing and rearranging my collection of “pretties” as my mother used to call them, my nic-nacs. I had a porcelain Siamese cat that stood upright in elegance. I think I found it even more special when I discovered that it was from Bermuda which is where my mother grew up. I had loved the stories she told of her as a child. He was ono of my favorites as I had loved cats and had I beautiful Siamese cat who, Harley was his name was my best friend and who always remains in my heart. On my window sill there was always rock, pebbles, sticks, and leaves of all sorts I loved to collect while playing outdoors. I sometimes even had deceased beetles and butterflies with their beautiful array of colors I had found. I had a clear jar filled a quarter of the way with sand and shells and pebbles I had found in my yard and at the beach of the lake we had lived near also on my window sill. Along with a heart-shaped tinted green glass vile with my “wishing potion”. A powdery concoction I had created using tea, cat-nip, and cinnamon and I believe a little sand from my yard. I had read of a similar potion in a book so I had to make one of my own. It was said that if you take some of the dry “potion” in your hand on a windy day, whisper a wish into the filled hand and toss it into the wind and let the wind carry your wish into reality. I giggle to think of what I used to do, and to think that many of my “pretties” I still have in my possession, including the heart-shaped vile and the Siamese statue packet away in boxes at my mother house.

The outdoors brought me to more ideas and adventures that would last hours upon hours. I remember back when I was living in Anton, Texas and Katie was my best friend. I believe I was about five years old, Katie much older and yet we were inseparable. I spent a lot of time riding with her in the back of her bicycle. She would always take me for rides around our apartment complex and even to the corner store which was across the train tracks. Though we were prohibited by both our mothers from riding across them we did it any way. Even more in fact, knowing that we weren’t allow to… I laugh again when I think of my childish ways. Katie and I would even gather long grass to dry out and make little pits of fires behind the apartment complexes in which of course, we would get in trouble for doing.

Down a small street behind where we lived we would either walk or ride our bikes to a tiny little candy store. I remember the owner only vaguely. He was a dark old gentleman. I cannot really recall his personality these days, though I could only imagine him as sweet as the candy he sold to us. I remember the shop was only a small room-sized building with bar stools that were lined up along a counter. I remember only the taffy he sold.

Oh those days. Days spent with siblings and my best friends out riding bicycles, running around carefree, climbing trees and dreaming of awesome tree houses that we never did get to building. I am sure our minds continued on to other fun, jumping from one dream to the other. Not remaining long enough to follow through with one idea.

My family at this time was still living in Texas. I remember starting at new schools but never really creating close friends as I knew I was just to leave to yet another school, and then another. I remember though very fondly, my elementary teacher, Mrs. Walden. She had imprinted my mind forever. She was so very sweet with her long summer-like dresses, and her hair that was always in a large bun. One time, only once did I get to see her with her hair down and loose. It was so incredibly long, it reached just past her thighs. It was amazing to me. So beautiful. She wore small framed glasses with almost wire thin frames which lay just atop the tip of her small nose. She was to me the nicest and kindest person I ever knew. When she would see me in the hallway or at recess she gave a winkle and a wave with a nod of her index finger and gave a gentle smile.

When we moved to Ohio that’s when my room became a special place to me and I would rearrange my nic-nacs and such. I wasn’t very fond of the kids in Ohio, there were many bullies in the Ohio schools I went to so that was why I liked to spend much time to myself or with my siblings. We did all kinds of things. We’d rollerblade, ride bikes, play in the farms’ fields, games of hide and seek, and spooky games of story telling. I remember spending a lot of time with my little brother teaching him to rollerblade and ride a bike. My sister and I would make up games for us to have more fun while we cleaned the house and did our chores.

When we lived on the farm that’s when I felt the most peaceful times outdoors. I loved to sit in the grass for hours at a time in our back yard near the fields and just watched the insects as they crawled in and out of the blades of grass. I found them so entrancing and peaceful. I remember how excited I felt when we discovered an endangered species in our very back yard; a luna moth. We knew it was endangered because of the calendar of endangered species we had in our kitchen. It was a large pale green moth with the wing span of about five inches or so. It had beautiful patterns on it too. As I watched nature take its place in the grass I would nibble on blades of long grass just out of behavior reflex habit I had. We had red clovers that grew throughout our yard that you were able to suck honey from the pinkish petals. And so I became curious of a plant that grew in batches throughout the yard which had clover-shaped leaves and little yellow flowers on them, and wondered how they tasted. They were sour and I would chew on the leaves to extract the sour juice from them and then I would spit out the leaves. I find this rather amusing because several years later, about ten years after I had done this I got curious as to what the plant actually was called and so I did research on it and they are called wood sorrels. Sorrel meaning ‘sour’ in German and it is a plant used as a garnish in salads and is also high in vitamin-C. Another amusing memory brings me to a snicker.

Woods and fields of corn and alfalfa surrounded the farm we lived on. I remember one morning being waken by my mother early at around 5:30 or 6ish, to show me something in the backyard. There were deer! A mama and her calf, eating the dew filled grass from our very back yard near the field. It was a beautiful sight as the sun had just risen and the mist hung low to the ground. As the sun’s light beamed through the mist and dew, an almost magical scene was created. It was a heavenly sight.

In the spring and summer time we would go swimming in the pond near the farm, or camping in the woods. There was a cabin we would use that sat right next to the black river. Collecting mussel shells in the lake, picking wild onions and looking for wild animal foot prints we were all over the woods. Sometimes, for moments at a time, we would get lost and lose our way then eventually find our way again. Salamanders and harmless garter snakes roamed the wooded floors. At night we would tell ghostly stories and spooky ones that often turned humorous around a campfire with the lightening bugs flickering and glittering throughout the night amongst the trees and fields. Oh how I miss the woods… In the winter months we would take our round plastic sleds and go sledding in the steep hills right along the woods edge. Sometimes we even were pulled by the farm owner on his tractor, tied to the back of the tractor on our sleds he would pull us in the corn stripped corn fields. Trying desparately to dodge the dried corn stumps and from falling off our sleds. We fell often and it brought us to tears, not because of sorrow or disappointment but from laughing so hard.

The pond near the farm carried so many memories as well. The swimming and bull frog catching so that we could have bullfrog races in the grass field next to the pond; we would pick our favorite bullfrog from our bucket of collected frogs and then race them back into the water. Sometimes we would row the little row boat out into the middle of the pond and just bathe in the warm sun’s rays as Fred, the grey farm goose and “owner of the pond” would sometimes swim past us. The grass field next to the pond we’d use as a baseball diamond and get together with the parents sometimes too, and play a game of baseball. It was so much fun with our dirty dirt-filled and grass stained clothes.

Behind the farm's main barn-house was the pastures where the cows spent most of their time just grazing and drinking from the pasture ponds and streams. Beyond the pasture were yet more woods where, in the spring-time in the months April through July, we would find dozens of blackberry bushes. They were the sweetest blackberries of my memories. We’d pick so many of them.

Spring time was often full of stormy weather between the warm and sunny days. When it was sunny we make sure to spend our time outdoors having picnics and family reunions, eating the best comfort foods and playing countless games. When it rained we still found ourselves outdoors; well, my sister and brothers anyways, the parents stayed indoors and called us in from the front door or the back door porch. We’d enter with a sigh, and of course since we were all dripping wet and dirty we’d have to enter from the basement door to take off our boots and insure that we don’t track mud into the rest of the house. These rains often turned into violent thunder and lightening storms which were so powerful the rolling thunder would sometimes know the framed pictures right off the walls.

Spring time was also tornado season which often forced us to spend the day in our basement. It was always more exciting then frightening. We made sure all of our pets were in the basement with us. For me, the most frightening thing was when we couldn’t find one of our pets to bring them down in the basement with us because they were either hiding somewhere in the house or sometimes were outside. It was most un-nerving for me. As we listened to the radio for storm updates my sister, brothers and I would keep ourselves occupied with board games and made-up games of our own. Then when the radio announced that the storm had passed we’d return to the upstairs and all was normal again.

During the winter months we spent much time playing in the snow; building snow forts, tunnels and even an igloo using a box cooler to create the blocks for the igloo. I remember vicious but always fun games of snow ball fights and little wars with our shelters made from the snow. The farm was a beautiful place when topped with the thick white fluff. The streams, lakes and pond would often freeze-over which would make us all the more curious to see if the ice could support our weight. Our mother would not like us to play near the pond while it was iced-over for fear that we would fall through. I remember winter days of working at the farm feeding the cows their hay, alfalfa and grains while they were being milked for the day. Oh and how I remember the hot cocoa-filled thermos and white powdered doughnuts that we had while working in the winter months in the break room in the barn. I remember the farmer letting us sample the freshly milked milk from inside the large milk tank. The milk was so warm and creamy and sweet to taste. I remember sledding out in the sheep yard because it was so hilly. The sheep were rather aggressive and so we would have to run past them and jump on the sled to escape their bucking us. It was so much fun.

During the summer nights we used to take large mason jars and catch many fireflies and watch them for only a while light up the jars and then we’d release them. I used to lie in the yard and gaze at the stars just waiting to see a shooting star and when I did I made my wish. While I used to help my mother with her garden we would always find new and interest things, like the little garter snake we found that was always in my mother’s garden. My mother named it Nickie and to my mother’s surprise one day Nickie had laids tiny eggs; Nickie was a girl! We had assumed Nickie to be male before that. One of my favorite animals to find in my yard was wooly bears. These were little black and brown and sometime red or orange caterpillars that turned into moths. I found them so very cute.

When I wasn’t outside I was in my room coloring, drawing, writing or doing crafts of all sorts. My mother was always making little things and we often made things together. I always liked to incorporate things I would find outdoors in my crafts such as leaves and twigs, feathers and insect wings, anything I found beautiful.

In my more recent year the outdoors never ceases to amaze me. My last fondest memory of living in Ohio is from the last time I visited my family. Still the spring nights are filled with the glittering fireflies, and on damp days often after some rains, we can find many large leopard snails that reach up to five or more inches in length! They are beautiful creatures with leopard-like patterns along their backs. And now I get to explore the wondrous outdoor with my little nieces and nephews. Oh how I miss them so.

But now, new adventures have arrived. They love the outdoors and I can’t wait to be able to show them nature at it fullest. Now it is their time to create their fondest of childhood memories and I hope that they are as memorable as mine were. For I know that a child’s mind is vast and most creative.

I hope you have enjoyed this piece of writing. I know I certainly enjoyed writing about only my fondest of childhood memories. I also hope that you will always appreciate the simple beauties that surround us everyday and remember those fond memories. Whether it be waking up to a birds’ song or watching how the wind runs her fingers through the leaves of trees. For Ralph Emerson once said: “Many eyes go through the meadow, but few see the flowers in it.”


Love Always,
Rachel Soraya Romero

Date:	2007-01-24 21:48
Subject:	Here's to healthy living...
Security:	Public
Mood:	cheerful

Vegetable Barley Soup by Rachel

This soup I created as an experience and came out fantastic! I wanted to create a soup using barley and so I got up early one morning to start this soup and it turned out awesome! I liked it so much that I decided to share it with the members of my meditation center that afternoon.

2 32 oz. cartons of Swanson Organic Vegetable Broth
1 tablespoon olive oil
1/2 large white onion chopped
3-4 cloves of garlic chopped
1 can petite diced tomatoes
1/2 of a lemon juice
½ to 3/4 cup pearled barley
2 large hand-fulls of fresh chopped basil (I also like to add fresh lemon basil)
1 tablespoons dry parsley
garlic powder (I don’t use salt because the broth is very high in sodium)
fresh ground pepper to taste

In a large stock pot, heat olive oil on medium heat while you chop the onions and garlic. Add the chopped onions and garlic to pot and sautee briefly until tender. Then add the two cartons of vegetable broth to the pot. Add the canned tomatoes, barley, dry parsley, fresh basil, garlic powder and the ground pepper.

Cook on a medium to low heat for about an hour until barley is plump.

I like to serve this with lemon wedges and it is great with a simple grilled cheese sandwich. Enjoy! Much love to you.




Great Northern White Bean Soup with Rosemary

This soup was introduced to me by one of my friends and is probably my all-time favorite soup. I eat this soup almost on a regular basis it is so wonderful!

½ small to medium onion, chopped
1 to 2 cloves of garlic, chopped
2 tablespoon olive oil, extra-virgin
season with pepper
1 tablespoon dry rosemary (is very potent so little goes a long way)
2 cans of great northern beans, rinsed and drained well
1 and ½ to 2 cans of vegetable broth, depending on how creamy you’d like the soup

In a medium soup pot heat up olive oil and sauté onions and garlic. Sweat for 2-3 minutes then season with pepper and rosemary (make sure to not burn the rosemary and black pepper. Add the 2 cans of drained and rinsed beans, and the broth then simmer for a few minutes and then puree in the blender in small batches at a time.


My Vegetarian Split-Pea Soup 01/19/07

This soup is a simple soup I created as an experiment. I love peas and wanted to have a split-pea soup loaded with flavor but without the use of bacon or ham.

1-2 cloves of garlic, chopped
½ small onion, chopped
olive oil
about 1 cup to 1 ½ cup of split peas
small handful of small red potatoes, chopped into very small pieces
red curry powder
garlic powder
salt and pepper to taste
2-4 cups vegetable broth

In a soup pan, heat up olive oil and sautee onions, and garlic. Season with seasonings, add vegetable broth and small chopped potatoes. Simmer soup for until desired tenderness. YUM!


Red Cabbage Winter Soup

This soup I created because I wanted to find a way to increase my calcium levels and red cabbage is super high in calcium. This soup is wonderful for the winter since it is mostly available during the winter season. And who doesn’t like a good bowl of soup during the winter?

Serves up to 6

½ medium onion, chopped or sliced
1-2 cloves of garlic, chopped
½ medium red cabbage shredded
2 tablespoon of olive oil
a few handfuls of small red potatoes, chopped small
1 can of diced tomatoes, do not drain (I use salt-free or low sodium)
2 cans of Swanson’s Vegetable broth or one 23 oz. box
season with garlic powder and pepper

Boil the chopped potatoes until tender, then set aside. In medium soup pan heat oil and sautee the onions, garlic and cabbage, and sweat for about 4-6 minutes until cabbage is tender. At this point season with garlic powder and pepper (salt if desired). Add the can of diced tomatoes and the broth. Return cooked potatoes to the pot and simmer for up to 10 minutes until soup like consistency.

Serve with lemon juice and pita bread.


Roasted Corn with Chili-Lemon Butter

I LOVE corn on the cob and I got this idea from Chef Tyler Florence. This is a great way to really concentrate all the corn wonderful flavor. Instead of boiling corn, and running the water that has all the corns’ flavor and nutrients, down the drain, roasting corn is a great way to kick up that flavor.

Take corn on the cobs, with husk left on and roast in a 450° oven until husk turns tan to light brown and feel papery. Fold back husks and remove silk to make handles.

Chili Lemon Butter: Take softened butter and mix in about a tablespoon of dry chili powder and some lemon juice and mix until all is incorporated. (If you can, try to use a chili powder mix that already contains lemon flavorings)

Paninni Sandwiches with Roasted Red Bell Peppers

8 slices of sour dough bread
2 to 3 red bell peppers
4 thinly sliced mozzarella cheese
4 thinly sliced Colby Jack cheese
4 thinly sliced pastrami
goat cheese
olive oil
one handful of fresh spinach leaves

Roast the red bell peppers, until charred over open flame. Once charred place into a bowl of cold water to cool and then peel black skins. After peeled slice into strips and set aside, season with extra-virgin olive oil, salt and pepper.

Take two slices of sour dough bread and build with the sliced roasted red pepper, mozzarella, Colby Jack, and spread on goat cheese. Add spinach leaves and sliced pastrami. Repeat until sandwich are made.

Heat up a skillet with a little bit of olive oil. Place the sandwiches in the olive oil and apply pressure or weight onto the sandwiches to press. You can use another pan on top of the sandwiches for this. Then toast in olive oil on both sides until cheese is melted.

You could even add sautéed onions and mushrooms. YUM!



Italian-styled Grilled Cheese Sandwiches

Depending on how many sandwiches you would like to make buy or prepare accordingly.

Sliced smoked mozzarella, or any preferred cheeses.
Fresh basil leaves
Olive oil
Beaten egg

Build the sandwiches, while olive oil in pan is heating (this you will fry the sandwiches in), inside the sandwiches drizzle cheese with olive oil and season with pepper. Coat the sandwiches in the beaten egg mixture.

After coating fry in the oil, while pressing, just like a paninni and then cut into triangles and enjoy.

Date:	2007-01-08 21:14
Subject:	The things we say
Security:	Public
Mood:	thankful

Have you ever heard someone tell you something you never expected to hear - an opinion of theirs they had of you? This can be as rewarding as hearing a thoughtful compliment or it could be unpleasant too... like hearing someone tell you that you have a trait that you would not particularly like to have. Something you would never in your dreams strive to be. I have experienced this again and again recently and been wondering what it means. One should ask themselves why these unpleasant things arise in one's life. My first approach was to run away and dismiss such things and yet I became more and more frustruted as to why though? Through my practice, I've been taught that everything we see and experience is created by one thing and one thing only, ourselves... Our world is a giant mirror before each of us and portrays our reflections as we need to see them (and as they are for us, not necessarily correct view though). I thought about all the things I have heard others say, about me, to me and found that they were indeed who I was. I realized that we should not loathe what you are hearing or the person who is telling you because they are giving us more than we think. They are our greatest teachers. You cannot get upset over what others see in their world. You do not know what they see, you can never truly know what they see. All that you can do is understand that, and understand that the world isn't out to try and hurt you. Ultimately it is the intention behind what people say and do and I don't believe that their intention behind those words are of hate. And even their intentions are unknown to us... All we can do is find it in yourself to accept your world as it is for you. And accept that perhaps we are over looking what others say of us by turning away or becoming angry. I realize that I am, by all means, not one of perfect views. I must accept that there are things I even say that hurt others when I say it. For instance, one night while out with friends of mine, I made a joke to someone, a joke, that I thought, was actually quite crude. Immediately, I hated that I said it (even when the person I directed it to seemed completely untouched by what I said). That same night there were jokes directed to me that I took offense to, even knowing that the person was not trying to harm me. My intentions are not to be crude or hostile and I don't think that others' intentions are to be crude. So by realizing that I too, may hurt others unintentionally, gives me all the more reason to be forgiving and more understanding of others. Nothing in our world is in our world just for the sake of being there, but rather because it was created. We are our world's creator. It is a hard thing to follow by but, with this knowledge, understand that there is room for change... Change for all that we see and all that we are. Change to better ourselves, not change for others...

Through love, mindfulness and acceptance...

Date:	2007-01-08 16:59
Subject:	Quote of a dear friend
Security:	Public
Mood:	contemplative

"It's a matter of doing what you can to contribute to a sane situation, but when the karma starts to flower, the best thing you can do is observe it as dispassionately as possible, then reflect later, cultivate healthy regret and look for the self-importance."

~G.R.

"Cultivating a healthy regret and ...self-importance." ...that of which I have lacked. Through my awareness may I overcome this day. Thank you my dear friend.

There are so many times when we want to tell someone something but choose not to. Maybe we choose not to because we think perhaps they understand what is between you two. Or perhaps our pride and ego won't allow us to speak, though we are given the opportunities. Whether it is an apology or an "I love you", or a simple "Can we talk?" we can't seem to push ourselves in many cases.

In these, unassured moments of our lives, I believe that listening to what your heart tells you is very appropriate to finding out what is to be done. I have loved someone so dearly and feel that without words, my heart is quite certain that I recieved love in return. Though my heart was broken, I feel we both shared something only the two of us are able to recognize. Just like the lyrics to Terra Naomi's song called Never Quite Discussed-"I know you loved me...but it was never quite discussed"

So therefore, I disregard those who question what I feel in my heart. For how can they tell me that what I felt isn't real.

Do not exhaust yourself because you were not able to tell the one your most important something. Opportunities will always be there; and until your heart feels certain... just listen to your heart and soon the apologies, the concerns, and whatever else you may need to say will be expressed. Perhaps not through words, but through pure heart.

Date:	2007-01-08 16:55
Subject:	What do you do when...
Security:	Public
Mood:	frustrated

What do you do when there is someone you know just brings the worst out of you...? You cannot control negative emotions when they speak to you so they see the side of you that others would do not normally see. This is one of the most frustrating situations. And now, because of your inability to control what you felt, they now view you as only "that kind of a person".

Now you wonder, "Is that really me?!"... and the answer is yes. It may not be you completely, but it is a part of you. Not the answer you wanted to hear, I'm sure but, there is a good side to accepting this part of you. It is ours to call and therefore we are given the opportunities to learn to keep ourselves in balance. The beauty of this is that if it was negative, only we ourselves can purify what's been done; because only our hearts know the harm and serverety of that which we have done. The key to understand, even if it is too late, that what you do is either "good" or "bad". But most importantly is to live by each moment, and what I mean to say here is that, if what you did "felt" right at the time, then it was, and vice versa. For how can you take something and say it was wrong when at the time it was right for you?

This is different, of course, than regret... you can regret something either positive or negative. Regret is healthy, but only regret without holding on. Through, regret we develope wisdom, and unlike karma, wisdom cannot be damaged. Reason being, is because, when you regret in a situation you learn from it. And if you continue to do it, wrongfully, you will always know and being aware of your wrong doing is better than doing something over and over again without ever understanding it is wrong.

When you feel that someone is taking the best of you away, just understand that this part of you is there for you to learn from... It's hard not to be frustrated but remember we are all just learning, and learning. That's why we are here.

Date:	2007-01-07 20:13
Subject:	"The Tighter You Squeeze, The Less You Have"
Security:	Public
Mood:	contemplative

Have you ever lost someone you loved so deeply and you feel that you could not live without them? You let them touch you in ways you would not allow others to. You gave them a fragile piece of you to hold with the trust that they'll caress it and never drop it. But when they do drop that precious part of you, you regret ever giving it to them because now you feel that it is gone forever. How can that be, when all that you ever gave them was your love and your trust? Now they are gone and you dwell upon their absence making it hard to deal with every day activites. Work becomes more difficult, just living becomes more difficult. You close your heart little by little fearing to let anyone touch it. Our minds become selfish as we hold that love so closely to only ourselves. You think to yourself - "No one can have it, it's mine. If I give it away you'll fracture it and I'll lose it." You feel it is impossible to give it away again because you feel there is no other gentle enough to hold it. This attitude of grasping is very dangerous. Taking refuge in the wrong things such as your fear and hurt will not allow you to move forward in life. You have your back turned against the world. Knowing that you had accumulated so much love and trust shows that it has been done, so that means it can be done again. You haven't lost it, it is just misplaced. It will be misplaced as long as your heart is closed. You try telling yourself, "this too shall pass" but it doesn't make it any easier. Just when you feel you are getting stronger it hits you again. The pain is unbearable. Nothing feels worse. Then you find yourself getting strong again and when you do, be there with that strength and let it guide you but be careful as well. Holding on to your stregth too tightly can also cause you pain. Creating egoism and stubbornness. You have to find a median, a sort of balance. Then you will carry a healthy heart and be able to love once again. Easier said than done, I know... But be strong. You'll find yourself waking up in the morning thinking - "Wow... I can't believe I can get out of bed, I can't believe I can still speak or even walk." and when you are driving you can't believe you can sing to the radio, and while with others you can't believe you can even smile. But you can. Hard yes, but with the right mind you can overcome anything life puts before you. If you let pain of any kind take the best of you, you are immovable and will not be able to achieve as much as you can by being open.

The suffering of attachment is not only through love but can be anything you hold too tightly, refusing to let go. Money, your possessions, love and even your emotions... The tighter you squeeze, the less time you have to improve yourself, less room to move, less time for others, you just have less. Lama Yeshe wrote:

"There are many pleasures available in the world, but as long as you are uptight and anxious, fearfully holding onto your money and possessions, your wealth will only make you more and more unhappy. If you do not know how to relax and be satisfied with what you have, if you do not know how to appreciate the natural beauty of your environment, if you do not know how to be simple, the even if you were to possess all the money in the world you would still be miserable."

The same goes for love. I have hear a quotation that said, "Loving someone is giving them the power to destroy you, but trusting them not to." This statement, I think, is and isn't true. This is how everyone feels when it comes to love, but the only one that can truly take the best of you away is you, yourself. As a reality this can be very hard to accept and frankly sucks if you do not look at it properly. But seeing things this way you will more open to all things not only love. Again, easier said than done. This may sound very cliché, but love hurts.

Don't let it destroy you. Let it teach you...